Much has been written over the years about this book and the others in the Joshua Harris series… I myself was annoyed when JH wrote yet another book about dating, called ‘Stop Dating the Church’ - I later found out this wasn’t actually about dating! Anyway, I read this a couple of months ago…

A lot that has been spoken and written about this book and his other one (I kissed dating goodbye) has been a bit negative I think, particularly in the UK. I think that’s because we come with a basic misunderstanding about the book, that is we think “this is Josh Harris telling us how to do relationships the right way”, and also I guess people will have been told by their churches or families “read this book, this is the right way to do relationships”. I think we come with the wrong view, JH makes it clear that the book is advice based on personal experience, not a one-size-fits-all or legalistic approach… and if we’re not convinced then he makes the point again on his blog.

There is an issue I have with the book however, courtship as he describes doesn’t work here, or isn’t easy, unless you want to marry the girl next door - how are you supposed to ask someone’s parents permission before you know if they’re interested? Anyway, I think the courting model does work in home-school, Christian-right, parts of the USA… but probably not here.

What I do like however is the stories, after all it is a personal book, JH shares his story of how he got together with his wife as well as other stories about friends… I guess at heart I’m a bit of a romantic, I love the story of the little drummer boy in Love Actually for one, and the stories in this book, there’s one about ‘Rich and Christy’ which makes me get a little bit emotional, for about 10 seconds before my manliness kicks in again! Some of JH’s personal stories seem a bit over the top, a bit legalistic, but you can see that he’s all about doing the right thing, honouring God, respecting his sisters in Christ and not entertaining even a hint of immorality.

Personally I prefer a model of Christian dating, or ‘Dourting’, which is a bit more realistic to a more ‘normal’ situation - which Mark Driscoll has explained in his latest sermon along with some good humour (see Christian dating bubble), you can see that sermon here.

I still have a bit more to read, but I think the last bit is more aimed at engaged couples. Another book on a similar vein that I’m going to read is ‘Married for God‘, by Christopher Ash, it’s being plugged at church at the moment for £7.99 - fortunately I got a free copy at EMA!